Why letting go is easier said than done
I notice many of my friends and colleagues are going through a time of saying good-bye to their children. These babies have now grown into adults and are ready to leave the nest. The children are excited to venture out and go off to carve out their lives their way. Parents are happy and sad at the same time.
Why is it so hard to let go? Many are quick to tell other parents let them go. It’s good for them. You did a good job and now it’s time for them to practice what you’ve taught them. Easier said than done.
Letting go of old beliefs, habits, way of doing things etc. and of course our children- is hard because we identify ourselves with them. We create a sense of stability and purpose based on being a mom or dad- this becomes our identity. To let go of it is to challenge ourselves to take on a new identity. Change is frightening for many especially when it means stepping into the unknown.
My family and I are in a current state of letting go of our older child. I am so at ease with his leaving that I surprised myself. I wonder if my sense of calm and peace over his leaving had anything to do with the fact I knew he would only be gone for a few months? The first time he left home this year was for a few months and I was thrilled for him.
I also know that he is testing the waters, testing to see just how far and for how long he can go for. I also know with his second departure from home coming up next month, it brings us all closer to him leaving home longer. I am also good with this.
I do feel prepared for this departure. There is a part of me though that wants to make sure he is truly ready to take that leap from the nest. But how do we know we are ready for anything? After the requisite preparation, we can only find out our readiness for the task by taking action. So, it is with this in mind that I assure myself that our son has all that he needs to venture out on his own when he is ready.
This approach is brings wonders when working with employees. A coaching approach in managing employees ensures their readiness for truly growing and stretching themselves. This ensures they bring their ‘A game’ to work each day. You the manager can feel assured knowing they’ve been prepared for their tasks. Let go and let them deliver.
I also take comfort in knowing that the one constant in life outside of death and taxes is change. Thankfully, I have learned to embrace and love change as do our children. Mike Ditka is quoted as saying we should “learn to bend but not break”. Solid advice.
When Maya Angelou was getting ready to leave home, the parting advice her mother gave her was “You’ve been raised. Don’t let anybody try to raise you” I trust in knowing that our son has been raised. That we’ve done the best we knew how given the time and space we had with him. He is now set to build on this foundation that’s been laid.
This awareness and knowing are what I coach my clients to draw on. The natural human inclination is to doubt and second guess oneself. However, if we can draw on the fact that after 18 or more years working with someone, the only way you are truly going to know that the lessons taught have been learned is to let them go.
IDARE is a powerful tool to help you if you are going through any major life transition. it helps you get clear on your Intention. Intention shapes your Desire and the Actions you’re willing to take to get the Results you Intended. Evaluation of each step you take ensures you stay true to your intention. When this happens letting go becomes easy.